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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

::Kiss The Rain::

 Ah, well, I'm bored and feeling pretty emo so just ignore my ramblings, yeah? =] I need a place to vent and, oh, would you look at that? My blog is the victim~ >:D Tee-hee. xD

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Sometimes, when I'm with you, I truly wonder..do you see me for me? Have you ever did? Or have I merely been someone who seems like bits and pieces of people you knew? When I look at myself in the mirror, sadness tinges my eyes as tears pool. Is there anything, even a a tiny single shred, of myself that rests in your heart? Something I can truly call my own?

A part of me that kindles memories only I can create. A part that is special and unique and different than anything else. A part of me that leaves me assured that once I leave, I know I'd have made an impression on your heart. Not just mere footprints imprinted on the sand that disappears with the waves and forgotten in time...
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Sometimes, I wish I would just fall off the face of Earth. Or build up walls so high that no one can see past; so that the world remains oblivious to the me that is slowly crumbling, the one who sheds tears, the one who gets hurt easily by things you say. Many many times, I've bit my tongue and stopped myself from yelling out what I feel and how you make me feel.

I'm the person I am, not someone you want me to be. I can never be the person you want me to mold after. I want you to stop comparing others to me and finally see myself for me. Appreciate who I am as a person instead of pointing out all my flaws that I try hard to overcome. For once in my life, wont you just see me for me...?

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although your heart is mine, it's hollow inside.
i never had your love, and i never will.

Friday, January 21, 2011

::Barriers::

 
Ha, I think I'm developing a habit of updating just minutes before tuition. xD Anywho~ Thank the Lord today is a Friday~ x] I should be saying that since now I actually have time for homework. >> But nah~ I'm saying it purely cause now I have time to laze about and think about doing the pile of homework. xP

Booyah~ Chinese New Year hols are coming up~ =3 Oh, and I heard something interesting. Apparently, they're gonna reshuffle the entire Form 4 and it'll be effective right after the hols. Wonder if I'll be bunked up with my friends? Yes? No? Fingers crossed~ >w<

Bleeek~ Today has been a bit...lonely I suppose. .-. I mean, what with the ra-va-ree model refusing to talk to me, my VP poofed during recess (probably for orch stuff) and my star MIA today~ I don't mind really. Recess was bearable and I finally got to read Thirst at home. =P Sides, Loki kept me company. ...that guy, I'm seriously wondering if we should keep hanging out. == For his sake and mine.

-sighs- My life has now gotten more bothersome. How utterly irritating. -o- Argh, I better go~ It's either the van popping outta nowhere and honking the tranquil silence apart or my brother barging in to scramble and get ready for tuition. To be honest, I have no idea which is more annoying. -.-

all we're doing is building more walls, now there's too many barriers.

Friday, January 14, 2011

::Like A Prayer::


Oh. My. God! xD I officially love Aspirasi a lot more now. x] Since I spent most of last year in that room with Evan, Adrian and Reg, I took my songs and stories along to kill time when we weren't doing any work. Hallelujah~ Waiting For Dawn was on it too~~ Bwahahaha~ Now I can continue it~ That is, if I feel the urge to continue it. Right now, where I stopped is way way waaay behind from the part on my lappy. T.T

Bah~ Whatever~ =3 Anywho, I'm so glad today is Friday. xD School has been getting better, I guess, but I still have no urge to wake in the mornings. -.- But I think that's partially cause of the awesome dreams I've been having~ Ah well~ As long as my days aren't utterly horrid, I'll live. =D On the brighter side, tomorrow's a weekend~ Finally~ Sleep. x] Which will be cut down from a massive load of homework. I swear, the teachers have some vendetta against us that involves killing our brains. ==

It's raining every day now which is totally epic. ♥ Except me getting cold in school, nothing beats a rainy day~ ^-^ Well, except for L, but he's the exception for pretty much everything. x3 Bah~ Looks like I gotta go. It's totally saddening, but tuition awaits me. Ah well, I can always just type. I get my best ideas on the trip over. xP Toodles~ =]

it's like a dream, no end and no beginning~
you're here with me, it's like a dream~

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

::My Love::

 

YAY~ I'm happy and hyper~ xD Which should be insane since Maths and History tuition await my awesomely presence. Great. -.-  Anywho~ I really have no idea why I'm updating when I have absolutely nothing to say. Ah well, most of my spams are nonsensical and filled with utter gibberish anyway~ And yet, you like them? So so weird~ xP

Ah~ School has turned out to be pretty okay these past few days. Guess it just took a little getting used to. ^^ Plus, my lessons are waaaay more interesting. But, as usual, there are times when I've almost thwacked my head on the table thanks to being  drowsy and when my mind has wandered off to someplace far far away in the starry sky. =3 Sadly, I always end up getting dragged back to plain old planet Earth. Ewwie~ >w<

Ugh, anywho~ I gotta go. It's like 5 minutes and counting till my awesome limousine *coughcoughcrappyvancoughcough* arrives so~ I better jet. x3 Toodles~~ ^^

you're nothing short of my everything~

Monday, January 10, 2011

::Being Free::


 
 Whooaaa~ I can't believe I finally told them. xD Took me three months to do it too. How lame is that, eh? :3 Anyway~ It feels great to get that off my chest~ But, it kinda creeps me out how  I feel things are gonna end soon. >> Then again, it's not like I didn't expect it. x] Call it me being a pessimist~ But I have that sinking feeling in my gut when I know I'm screwed. Like when having to hand in homework. >~<

Moving on~ School was incredibly awesome today. Probably since I sat next to Meredith today. =P While I realize this is selfish, I wish I was always sitting with her. School doesn't seem like such a lousy drag when there's someone to laugh with. =] Still, it's sooo odd. I'm surrounded by people, some near and some far, yet I feel so lonely. Is this those life problems people talk about? Frankly, I'd rather a mid life crisis when I get older. x3

Anyways, I'm gonna go and drown this stupid and absolutely absurd loneliness in something more...productive. Bwahahahaha~ Here I come cookies and SuJu~ Be afraid. Be very afraid. >:3

make a wish. take a chance. make a change. and breakaway~

::Tell Me Goodbye::

First off, whoa~ I haven't updated my blog in ages~ Then again, what else is new? xD But I'm pretty sure the neglect is due to Gin-kun breaking down and all my stories flying out the window. == Hence why Waiting For Dawn is gonna be put on hold. Bah~ This is definitely what I call Depression 101. -.-

Anywho~ Updates galore~ Weeelll, I went to prom on the 23rd of Dec. It wasn't exactly what I imagined it to be, but it didn't suck as badly as I thought it might. x] All in all, I had a pretty nice time. Course, I pretty much glued myself to my chair. Dancing is so not my forte. xP Sadly, that includes most things too.

Oh yeah, school started up. I gotta say, before, I had the slightest urge to attend so I'd at least goof off with my friends. Now, I dread getting up every morning. Hence why I'm here minutes before school. x3 Seriously though, there's now zero appeal to school and I feel lonely most of the time. .w. So not what I dreamed of. T-T

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, it does. I don't know why, but something is gnawing at me. I hate this feeling. Why does it feel as though I've lost my trust in you? I'm sure I've jumped to conclusions, but I didn't think it would hurt this much. Sometimes, I wish I could disappear forever and have the world say goodbye.

tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye, those hands that embraced me.