Monday, April 18, 2011

::Follow Me::

After a miserable day at school, my heart weighing down each step I took, consulting my buddies for a solution and apologising profusely, it's amazing how easily things were fixed. =) I love you even more now Bubb for such epic advice. xD Plus, I really need to stop complicating simple things. It's such a rotten habit that makes you worry far too much. Ohmigosh, then I'll have a head of gray hair just like Moldiebutt! xP

Anyway, this is just a silly lil rant of mine since I'm feeling like I'm on cloud nine right now~ I'm glad you can't stay mad at me just like how I can never be angry at you either. ^^ But it still doesn't make the guilt go away though. What I did was wrong and cruel and you showed me kindness when I least deserved it. You're too nice for your own good, you know that? x)

Since I'm pretty sure I can take up half of my blog just rambling nonsense about how epic you are in ways I cant even begin to fathom, I'll just cut this short right here. ^^ Thank you for being with my irritable self these past few months. I know I get annoying at times. I feel like punching myself out too. XD I just want you to know that the day I regret meeting you will never arrive. Never. =]

follow me, everything is all right.
i'll be the one to tuck you in at night~

Sunday, April 17, 2011

::Diamonds On The Floor::

Since my guilt is eating my heart away, allow me to rant about something a tad bit emo-ish to you, eh bloggie? xD I just...I want to say I'm sorry, as meaningless as that may be now. I hurt you. I was an inconsiderate ass. I knew how much it signified to you and yet I considered it as a petty thing. I forgot about your feelings and only thought solely of mine.

You've been through hell and back. There are things you still haven't told me. Painful things you still keep buried within. To be honest, part of me is glad you do for my heart aches to know of your pain. I wish I apologized to you. I wish I didn't act like my typical stubborn self. But it doesn't matter now. I can't take away the pain I caused, pain that has been inflicted more than once, and that shall haunt me until time ends.

I know there are times you feel like giving up. To just throw everything away. I would understand if you do that, but I'm hoping you don't. I'm selfish when it comes to you. You and I both know that. But if I'm hurting you and I don't even notice, maybe it's best to let you go. I want you to be happy, whether I'm in the picture or not because I love you regardless of it all.

promises mean everything, but once broken, sorry means nothing.

::A Walk To Remember::

Yup, it's true, one of the awesome-est person alive is now sixteen! Everyone, please give a standing ovation to the beautifulest person, both inside and out: Regina~! =] Gawd Bubb, how quick time flies. I thought this day would come eons later. xD Yush, I know I'm a horrible liar when it comes to keeping stuff from you, but I can't help it. I tell you far too much. x]

Anywho, the day went pretty cool I think. =D Of course, the lack of people plus the fact we only barely raided one shop was a bit depressing, but I think the venue I picked out for you was kinda awesome~ x) And I know that he-who-has-a-name-like-Swordfish being there meant a lot to you. I'd love to have given you more time, but your Mum would have killed me. xD

You know, I only realized after taking my camera out when I got home that we didn't take any pictures. T^T Another birthday that will be swept up and mixed with the next good memories to come. But I'm not too bummed about it though. Yesterday was awesome, you had a fabulous time and, in the end, that's all that matters. =] Gosh I love you Bubb~ Thanks for sticking by me all this time.

Happy Sweet Sixteen!

i'll keep our memories locked in a jar.
they may be forgotten in time,
but they live on in my heart anyway.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

::Surreal Illusion::

Ello bloggie~ ^^ Yeah, I've got absolutely nothing to crap about so instead, I shall bore you to death with this thingy. xD I got the image of an ethereal lady slowly unraveling in golden threads when I was in school. So I came home, sat down with Gin-kun, let my imagination run wild and voila~ Utter gibberish. x)

With just a glance, anyone would have been captivated by this ethereal beauty. I was the same when I first saw her and even now I’m still mesmerized. She has long blonde hair, cascading down to her mid-back in shimmering waves of golden. Her face is soft with a gentle curve adorning her pale lips, high cheekbones and two pools of ocher that soothes and warms even the coldest hearts. Flawless skin complimented her as perfectly as the simple yet elegant white dress on her slender form.

Standing in a field of swaying flowers, her skin radiated a soft tawny hue from the sunset’s dying rays. My heart twisted and ached when those bright orbs slipped shut and a smile spread across her face. It echoed such melancholy and bittersweet happiness. Her musical voice, mirroring the resonating tinkling of wind chimes, whispered to me. But I turned a silent ear to her words. I refused to hear any of it for deep down in my heart I already knew what they were.

A stinging sensation pricked my eyes and I tore my gaze away from her to press them shut. Never again did I want to be told goodbye, especially not a farewell from the angel that lent me strength when I was crippled with pain. A melodious chuckle filled the air and my heart crumpled further. It hurt to think that this would be the last time I would hear it. I could feel her imploring me to meet her gaze, to have one final moment for us both to share. Tucking away the pleasant sound to memory, I steeled my nerves and faced her.

Everything I was, my soul, my being, shattered the instant I did. She had turned away from the sun, facing me now as the light haloes her form. Glassy with tears, her gaze was heart breaking whilst her tender poignant smile crushed me far worse than Hell ever could. Warm hands found mine, slender fingers lacing with my shaking ones. I couldn’t help it. What little resistance I had waned away as my walls disappeared into the summer wind. Salty drops of water trailed down my cheeks, cold fire against my skin.

I wanted to yell out, beg and plead for her to stay by my side, not for a day or a week, but forever until time ended. I yearned to tell her how much I love her, how I still desired to find out more about her, how I craved her presence and affection. But my voice had remained stubbornly silent. It was for the better. Those pleas needed time and we had none of that left. As the sun slowly dips past the horizon, I noticed her unraveling. The threads of her existence were slowly coming apart, disappearing in glimmers of radiance that paled in comparison to her light of existence.

My still hands now felt her slight tremors and I squeezed them tightly, offering silent shreds of comfort. She weakly smiled with gratitude but the tears still pooled behind her eyes like a misty haze. From the corner of my eye, I saw the flashes of light had steadily worked their way up, the firm threads tethering her to me unraveling more. My sorrowful gaze sweeps across her face, blinking the tears away to memorize each angelic feature of hers. The unraveling light was already past her waist, trailing up her thin arms.

I pushed that observation to the back of my mind, focusing solely on her. I ached to wrap my arms around her, to hold her just once more, but I didn’t for the pain would have been far too great. She must have sensed it for comfort filled the smile across her lips. Slowly, she spoke words that my numb mind tuned out. The light was now past her neck, locks of blonde that I admired now gone. The time has come. For a long time, I stood rooted to that very spot, staring blankly at my empty clasped hands.

She was gone. No longer would I have someone to pick me up when I fall, to hold me close when my world was collapsing, to light up my world with a smile and a murmur of my name. My knees buckled and I slumped to the floor, fingers digging into the ground with a fool’s hope of it stopping my world from spinning out of control. Then, a warm wind blew past and I felt it brush against my cheeks as though drying my tears. A voice whispered in my ear and I smiled bitterly when her final words gained a voice.

“I love you.”

For where thou art, there is the world itself.
And where thou art not, desolation.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

::Wedding Dress::

It's so lovely to have a weekend where most of my work is actually completed and I have time to bum around. XD Now, if only the weather would take a break and start pouring. Then it'll be nice and cold and perfect for teensy little cat naps~ ^^ Anyway, there's something I need to confess to thee o' mighty bloggie. Prepare for my weird-ness~ x)

We're friends, though not as close as we proclaim to be. xP I'm there for you when times get rough, and you're there for me when I need someone to distract me. It irritates me how easily the right words find you and you make me feel okay again but I flounder and struggle to figure out just what to say to you. >< Like now, for instance. When you need those words to make everything seem just that little bit brighter, I'm sure I've failed you miserably. =/

Yeah, this isn't exactly the kind of situation I'm familiar with. I may have read it in books, seen it happen to others, but I cant console you properly when I've never been through the same thing. Saying "I know how you feel" would be a horrid lie. Your heart is broken and there's not a single thing I can do to make things alright again. I wish I could just cast a spell that will take all your pain away.

i guess it's too late, i'm dancing this dance alone.
this chapter is done, the story goes on.