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Sunday, February 5, 2012

::Endlessly::


Dear Lord, it's been over a month since my last post. But now, the I Had Time excuse is dead. Like seriously dead. =~= Everyday is filled with either tuition, studying with Losh on weekends, irritating Danny, unfinished school homework and Fwuffay time. I seriously don't know how I'm gonna manage later. Rather, I don't even wanna think about it. TwT If I'm completely honest, I want a teensy break. Nothing big. Just two days to sleep like I need to. Regardless, with all said and done, I don't regret a thing. I need all this knowing how utterly lazy I really am. xD

Anywho, that's how life has been. Basically an endless juggle where I still manage to procrastinate in the middle. Dayum, I'm awesome. x] All these things keep me away from thinking. That, is totally wicked to me. I hate thinking. Whenever I ponder about things during insomniac nights, insecurities kick in and I wind up doubting everything I believed. I mean everything. Confidence isn't the issue though. I guess I'm just nervous or something. A bunch of jittery nerves maybe? Deep hidden worries I never knew existed? Bah, I don't know~ I am avoiding it after all. =P

Speaking about avoiding junk, I'm still in a predicament. ._. My instincts are telling me they can lead the way. They won't ever let me fall. My mind screams the risks. I wouldn't care so much if it wasn't you. Officially in too deep already, I think. >w> Most of the times I think it's the best way to do it. Other times I think it's the worst possible thing. Can I really let you go that easily? Asking around is a dud too. ._. Everyone keeps giving me the generic answer or offers me a semi-solution. I don't wanna since I shouldn't be asking so much of you when I'm not returning it in at least equal value. Gosh darn it. =/

Besides that, I'm just surviving. For some reason, everything feels lonelier. Kinda like a puzzle piece that fitted seamlessly suddenly disappeared. I can't place it, not even now, and I wonder if I ever will. To not have noticed it falling must mean it's irrelevant. Yet to feel the echo of loss every day? Whether it's important or not, I can't say. But I really need to find a replacement or fill up the missing part with something else. It's bothering me now in ways I can never describe. @@

Love is so complex.
Love isn't complex.
People make it complex.

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